This month of love at The Isaac’s Journal, we are doing a series and looking back on Couple’s Retreat in 2015, we’ve invited some of our friends to share what they’ve learned and how they were able to apply it in their marriage.
– Our 1st entry from Jk & Sheena –
Do we fight? Yes we do. Do we argue? Yes we do. Oh my, we do. You can win a fight and yet end up on the loosing side. But learning to fight fair has truly helped to keep our vows – to be each other’s ally, no matter what.
We are JK and Sheena, both Filipinos. We have lived in Dubai for 8 and 12 years, respectively. We were both actively serving in the ministry of our local Church (Victory Christian Fellowship, Dubai) when we met each other in 2009, through a mutual friend.
Our love story started with a little hiccup. But nevertheless, after nearly two years of prayer and persistence, as God has planned, we got together. In July 2012, God blessed us and we tied the knot to begin our journey together as husband and wife.
We had our honeymoon a year after in the romantic island of Maldives.
The first two years of our marriage were challenging, as there are a lot of adjustments needed from both of us which more often than not result in arguments, disagreements and fights. There were times when we just couldn’t stand each other and one of us would just walk away.
We are very thankful to our small group leaders and some spiritual mentors who patiently and consistently guided us and prayed for us through those seasons. Two years down our marriage, in Dec 2014 God entrusted us an angel and we named her Lucy Isabella.
In November 2015 we attended the Couples Retreat, and we were glad we did. One of the key lessons we learnt was – in a fight, you can win but still lose. Sometimes in a fight, we would get so angry we would get so caught up in the moment, we would just throw unkind and criticising words towards each other. One of us would have won the fight, but if it came at the expense of hurting each other, no one actually won. Now, that is fighting unfair.
What we learnt was that fighting itself might be unavoidable in a marriage, but we need to learn to fight fair. What we learnt was that if we can’t be quiet in a fight, then we need to be very careful to choose what to say and when to say it. Because words once spoken can never be taken back. The damage is already done by the time we realise we’ve said something we shouldn’t have. We also learnt that we need help from the Holy Spirit to express ourselves in a righteous way.
As we listened to Ptr. Shady and Ms. Amy, we realized that there’s a lot of ways to keep our marriage strong even in a fight. We’ve now learnt to RESPECT each other even when we think our spouse don’t deserve it. Always PROTECT each other’s confidence – especially the man, as he needs it to define him being the head of the household. We know that every person makes mistake, so be PATIENT and UNDERSTANDING towards the other. And above all, we should always remember LOVE – we have both vowed to be each other’s ally, not a foe.
The Retreat wasn’t only fun but worthwhile. It has enriched our married life and taught us that in every conflict, we must insist for a resolution not to prove who’s right or the other person is wrong. In the end, there’s nothing sweeter than a KISS & MAKE-UP after a fight.